gibbon-arsed ramblings of a hopeless underachiever

Thursday, February 27, 2003


I have spent an entire evening behaving like a GIRL. I'm so proud. My little sister came round and there was much changing-into-pyjamas, eating pizza, doing hair and talking about boys. I say 'doing hair' - she's just bought some straightener doodads and wanted me to have at her with them. Now, you must understand - whereas Middle One has poker-straight hair Little One and I both have very curly hair. Very. Curly. And that is where the similarity ends. She has her hair cut every six weeks, more or less on the dot, and at the moment it's also beautifully (and professionally) dyed. So I did her hair and it came out looking great - very salon, darling. Then she insisted on trying a bit of mine. I last had my hair trimmed two years ago and any dye jobs I've had have been home done - leaving me either with a fantastically coloured scalp or with dye/bleach a good inch or so shy of the roots in order to avoid said technicolour scalp. My hair, straight, reached my groin - at the front, where it's shortest. I looked like Crystal Gayle and I made her stop. Another new resolution - get hair cut.

posted by bandhag | 2/27/2003 12:46:00 AM

Wednesday, February 26, 2003


On the way home from work, down the street next to mine, I overheard no less than THREE conversations that appeared to be to do with people leaving washing with (I presume) their mothers to do. Did I miss a memo? Is Tuesday Parental Laundry Dump day? Or perhaps all of the people I passed were part of an extended family that all live in the same street like facking Rainbow or something (I don't know - it made sense as a point of reference when I first thought of it). I guess, being underqualified in that area, I've lost touch with the crazy ways of families. Or something.

I played Booze Monopoly at the weekend, got veh drunk in what seemed like about an hour and a half, and spent the rest of the night with my head down the toilet and then curled up in my friend's bed. It was the first time I'd met his housemates. I'm sure I made a fantastic impression and that they all hope I come over every single weekend forever and ever, hoorah.

Should I be trying harder to grow out of this kind of behaviour?

I got my bike back today. This is not very exciting, though it is to me, because the poor old dear has lain in the garden of my old house for about a year and a half while I vowed to give up fags, shift some flab and stop paying Stagecoach to never get me anywhere on time. So it's now tucked up in the under-stairs cupboard until I can get it fixed - hopefully in the next couple of days. Chyeah.

Did I use the word 'lain' right there? Nigel Audiolympics would know [please don't link me back, my blog is shit, the link's there to remind me where to find yours]. I am no more l337 English bod - spelling and grammar have all flown out of the window just recently. I don't know why, I don't know how and I don't like it.

Now I'm just waffling. It's probably time to go

Urgh. I've just read some of my (slightly) older blogs. I sound like a stroppy teenager. Must try harder. Or less hard. Whichever.

posted by bandhag | 2/26/2003 12:34:00 AM

Saturday, February 22, 2003


Blimmin flip, I've not written a thing all week again. Must try harder. Still, that's probably what happens when you get yourself 3 jobs, a Masters course and no life...

The march was great - not so much a march, though, as a five-hour shuffle. Yep, you heard me right. Took us five hours to get to Hyde Park. It was cool, though, no aggro - even the police were being quite friendly and stufff. Being vertically challenged, it's no real surprise that I could see *nothing* all the way round other than people and the tops of buildings, but it seems it was the same way for everyone. S was at the one in Glasgow, and told his kids afterwards that he wanted them to remember it always, not because it was such a great and fantastic thing they were doing, but because there were times it was crap and boring and their feet hurt and that the people there were just normal everday people of all walks of life and political beliefs. I'm not re-telling it very well, but I hope you get what I mean. I thought that was a pretty fine way to think of it.

So, what else has happened this week? Hmm. Not a lot, actually. I've vowed to give up smoking every day of the week, and then accidentally not, but that's nothing new. Oh God, I don't know. Now I feel inferior and boring. Here, go and look at this and stop staring at me.

posted by bandhag | 2/22/2003 12:32:00 PM

Saturday, February 15, 2003


And on a more sober note, I'm going to the Stop the War rally tomorrow. I've only ever been on two rallies before. One was a proper march, when I was about 5 - I don't remember much about it other than that, at the time, my youngest sister was still in her pram - one of those really old fashioned jobs that looks like a horse-drawn carriage, and which was still big enough and strong enough for us to get in and wheel each other around when we were considerably old enough to know better. I remember us planning for it for ages. My mum was really good at art, and she'd done this fantastic drawing of a mother holding an umbrella over her child, sheltering it from the 'rain' of missiles. It was kind of like stick men or a safety notice. It rocked. She also made some kind of transfer of the CND symbol and we put it on the hood of the pram. I remember thinking that was the coolest thing in the world, and being extremely proud of us going on that march. At some point we marched through some local woodland, I think, and I was wearing my red wellies. That's about all I remember.

The second was kind of by accident. A couple of friends and I came out of the shop I was working in at the time, to find a group of people in the market square, waving Anti-Nazi League signs. I went over to find out what was going on. There was going to be a Nazi band playing somewhere in the area, and they were coming to the Market Square to meet up before the gig. So we took some signs, and we stayed and we chanted, and a few cars turned up every now and again, and we chased them off. We were there about 3 hours, and I left feeling good about it.

And that's been the extent of my activist history, other than letter-writing and petition-signing. But I really feel the need to go on this march. [snip. I changed my mind, big time, about what I'd written here]

posted by bandhag | 2/15/2003 12:03:00 AM

Friday, February 14, 2003


Fucking HELL. What a terrible, neglectful eejit I've been.

So, la-di-da. What've I been up to? Well, some drinking dancing working college working working working college illness working working college dancing working working college cancelled gigs new job even more working.

I think I've just been on information overload for the past few weeks.

So, why blog now? Hmm. No idea. Oh wait, I do have an amusing story to relate (amusing to me, anyway). I got to work this afternoon to find an absolutely ENORMOUS and unbelievably tacky bouquet of flowers on my desk. There were red roses, carnations, ribbons, lace, hearts. It looked like someone had let a bomb off at a gypsy funeral. As I stood there, rooted to the spot and agog with horror and disbelief, I thought "Oh. My. God. Who the hell would be sending me flowers?....Who the hell would think these are nice?... Who the HELL thought *I* would think they were nice?!". At the moment I thought I might black out, the girl who sits next to me came over and said "Beautiful, aren't they? Sorry, I meant to move them before you got in but the sinks in the toilets were all full". I could have kissed her.

That might seem really ungrateful, with hindsight, but....urgh. I will cheerfully end my days as a mad old woman who has 23 cats and stinks of piss, if the alternative is being with someone who knows me so badly they think that'd be the perfect Valentine's gift for me.

posted by bandhag | 2/14/2003 11:33:00 PM
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