bandhag

All change

2011-08-27T20:37:00.003Z

This has been the strangest couple of months of my life. I've struggled a lot with living with him and now just kind of resigned myself to how things are. Some of the time, he's very kind to me. He's very kind to me when I'm around. And when things get hairy, he's the one I call. I don't even know why. At least this time, I tried other people first. But he was the only one who answered. But I

Much as predicted

2011-05-30T21:49:00.002Z

this is a fucking nightmare. He moved in. On the first night, he gave me a speech that went "Our relationship has to change. We're just housemates. I don't love you." and continued in a similar 'Wow, man, stick a nail through that bludgeon - I might just get the point' vein. He likes to share meals and sit in the room I'm sitting in while he reads his comics etc but he also visibly cringes if I'm

Inevitability

2011-05-22T22:14:00.004Z

I almost feel more comfortable with the fact that nobody reads this now. I want to get thoughts out of my head but I don't really want anyone to hear them.Anyway. So. The guy I spoke about in my last post? He's moving in to my flat. In three days' time. I had to go away for almost a month - lovely holiday and not-so-lovely work stuff. We'd talked, briefly, about him renting my spare room. He,

It gets better

2011-02-08T23:40:00.003Z

He's been seeing someone else, and went on a couple of dates with them while he was 'having the time to think'. Gee, I'm so glad I'm one of his favourite people, one of the most important people in his life and someone he could never hurt and always wants around. I just can't imagine how he'd have treated me if that wasn't the case!I can't remember what my last blog post said because, frankly,

Been a while

2011-02-03T00:25:00.003Z

Today, I found out that I may lose my job soon. I also found out that the person I'm in love with, who I'd been giving some time and space to figure out his conflict between the fact that he's made a conscious decision not to be in a relationship at the moment and the fact that he has started to feel something more for me than just a companion and sexual partner, has decided we are, after all, '

Delighted to see

2009-10-08T22:12:00.003Z

that on the other blog I used to write - the one where I kept my private teen-angst shit, I have six comments on my last post. Two tell me they read my blog with interest, before offering me fake degrees. Two tell me they read my blog with interest, and that I should read theirs, which "is just about my daily life as a park ranger". Two tell me they read my blog with interest and that I should

Mayday

2009-10-08T20:32:00.003Z

So. I went quite again. I know. I guess I felt like I didn't have anything to write about, or like I didn't 'need' to write or whatever. For the longest time, it felt like there weren't any words in my head.But right now, there are a lot of words in my head. And it feels like I need to get them out of my head. And someone needs to suffer the brunt of them, so I guess it's blogworld. Lucky, lucky

What I did on my holiday

2009-02-06T12:20:00.004Z

By Bandhag. Aged (ahemrufflmublecough)I met a boy. We fell in love. We moved in together. There was talk of buying a house. He suddenly had a big ole crisis, wasn't sure if he still loved me (or if he ever had), then decided he did but that didn't want us to live together any more, so we tried living apart for a while and seeing each other maybe once a week. Then I grew some self esteem and

and then the sky fell in

2009-02-02T19:06:00.001Z

Honest to God. You'd think this country had never seen a bit of fucking snow before.I ask you.

No title for this

2005-07-07T11:52:00.000Z

I hope you're all safe and well - London dwellers and London visitors. I also hope that the BBC stops reporting this as though they were Sky News "It could be anti-globalisation campaigners!" "It's probably definitely Al-Qaeda - some Arab blokes phoned up and said so!"etc.Doesn't matter. Really doesn't matter. This is fucking horrible and my thoughts go out to anyone stuck in it.x

Quick music meme thingy

2005-06-22T16:07:00.000Z

Oo, I've been meme tagged by the lovely NeilOk,My six favourite songs of the moment in no particular order are (with apologies to Neil for duplicating a couple of his, but they're corkers):Arcade Fire "Power Cut" The Dears "Lost In the Plot" Amerie "One Thing"The Futureheads "Hounds of Love"Gang of Four "At Home He's A Tourist"Apples in Stereo "Go" - cos it's summer, innit?!And doing the other

In which I throw caution the wind and contemplate the very real prospect of having to become a prostitute

2005-06-02T09:27:00.000Z

Or some more truthful and less dramatic title.How apt that someone should recently have been referred here by searching for the phrase "hate my fucking job"...I've handed in my notice.I don't have a job to go to. This has to go down as the single most reckless thing I've done in a long long time career-wise but frankly, my dears, I've had all I can takes and I can't takes no more. It feels right.

In which I reveal myself as a crybaby geek. Surprise.

2005-05-16T08:20:00.000Z

Doctor Who on Saturday. See it?Never been so glad to be watching a programme alone in my entire life. I bawled my freakin' eyes out.It's well recorded that I cry very easily at films and TV programmes and have been known to pipe my eyes over E.R., Casualty or documentaries about whales (I wish I was joking) but never Doctor bloody Who. Mind, it was blatantly meant to be a tearjerker, so I don't

Return of the grammar Nazi

2005-05-14T00:41:00.000Z

One more before I go.There's a sign that I pass almost every day as I go home on the bus, and I feel the need to vent my dismay and fury at it. It's outside some flats and bears the legend: THE EXERCISING OF DOG IS NOT PERMITTEDThis is not some cobbled-together private thing, this is a sign erected by the Borough council. Somebody, I think to myself (silently weeping inside), gets paid good money

In other news

2005-05-14T00:33:00.000Z

Which party won the election again?BONGWearing hoodies and baseball caps has been banned from the Bluewater shopping centre. Because apparently, guys and gals, that is the only real way you can tell if someone is a criminal. We only want nice, clean, tidily-dressed middle-class (or middle-class looking) families in our lovely sanitised malls, thanks - not these dreadful ruffians and oiks, what

Grrrl glower

2005-05-13T21:41:00.000Z

It's not like I need any incentive to look for a job that doesn't involve working at night - God knows I've been doing my best for a while now - but nights like last nightjust really ram the point home.First, the bus driver let me run all the way up to the side of the bus before he pulled off. I fucking hate that. I hate it more when I'm on my own in the middle of the night on the way to work. I

NO, you stupid FUCKS!

2005-05-06T09:25:00.000Z

The way to show your disdain for a Government you feel has lied and let the country down is not (funnily enough) to swing from them to a party who were even worse during their time in power.Jesus fucking Christ.Still. "Could be worse" and all that. I suppose. That seems to have been Labour's campaign "Vote for us - it could be worse!". Fear seems to be their favourite currency these days.Gah.This

Songs and bombs

2005-04-29T09:24:00.000Z

To The Legion last night for an evening of shoegazing and bands. Mark Gardener (ex of Ride) played first and he treated us to both Taste and Vapour Trail. So overcome was I that I whooped, prompting R to threaten to go and be near someone less embarrassing. Can't blame her, she rightly thinks everyone in the world is cooler than me and at that moment, they were: favourite Ride songs - played live

Bah. Meh. Arg (Or: "Just How Useless Am I?")

2005-04-26T11:10:00.000Z

I hate my job. I have been taking steps to get out of the job I hate. This morning, I went to see an agency that'd been recommended to me by a friend who has managed to escape the hell that is my job.First thing the bloke says to me "Well we'll see how your tests come out, but I have to warn you that it's going to be difficult to find you something because at first glance, your CV looks like you

Got milk?

2005-04-19T18:19:00.000Z

M seems to have a thing about milk containers. He appears to be totally unable to throw them away - he just uses the last of the milk and leaves the container on the side. As an experiment, I've been resisting my normal habit of clearing them up after him; perhaps, I thought, he just doesn't notice them.I got up last night to find him cleaning the kitchen. He was in there ages, washing up and

Ahhhhh, that's better

2005-04-19T04:35:00.000Z

Everything.As of half an hour ago, I'm on holiday. Only until Sunday night, but it feels like forever just now. CV is ready to go and I've seen a couple of things to apply for so that, with any luck, by the time I go back I'll be well on the way to being able to tell them where they can stick the fucking job. No big career moves planned, but something that will get me away from working five

Dream a little dream of me. Dying. Or being an object of hatred.

2005-04-13T10:11:00.000Z

Well that's just lovely. It would appear that the dream world is fighting a battle with my current happy awake mode, both on the home front and elsewhere.Last 'night' (day - I work nights, it's all topsy turvy, do keep up), I dreamt that I had a row with my best mate because of something she thought I'd said, which I hadn't and within one day literally everyone I know, from best friends to

I'm short. So's this.

2005-04-12T09:52:00.000Z

So, what - will my body seriously never run out of new ways to embarrass me?One of those blokes who hands out those "aimed at office ladies" mags at Tube stations offered me his wares (matron) this morning, and on opening my mouth to say "No thanks, got one" (I'm looking for a job) I got attacked by a surprise burp. We were both shocked, I attempted to apologise but cackled instead. In a split

Always with the excuses

2005-04-05T10:39:00.000Z

I have been unable to write. I've been Not Very Happy. There. I've said it. I'm not going to talk about it because I didn't then, and couldn't now and don't want to here. It's not my style and although people around me knew some of it, it would've been impossible to carry on as I was, if they could come here and read my head horrors. And yes, I realise that probably the reason I get that way is

A pint of Hooch and some hubba bubba please, barman

2005-03-13T17:07:00.000Z

So, one of the things I did during my intermaweb hiatus was get a spinky new haircut. It involves straightness and I'm quite pleased with it. I suspect it might be quite foxy. My sister commented that it "suits my nose" (the kind of thing only a sister could say) and that it makes me look younger.She's not wrong, it would seem: I got ID'd trying to get into a pub last night."Are you 18?" asked

Coming home

2005-03-12T03:47:00.000Z

Oh dear, sweet internet, how I have missed you.Tip: if your ISP leaves you without access for weeks, and even after you've changed the modem twice, using the (frankly SHIT) modem they gave you, still with no joy, they still claim that the problem is nothing to do with them and that the only way to fix the problem is to format your hard drive and install THEIR preferred OS - at which point, they

and another thing

2005-02-11T18:48:00.000Z

why do TV programmes invite you to "Click on our website at..."? Is "visit" considered too sedate for the modern whizzery of the intermaweb or summat?

Things that make me go Grrrrr

2005-02-10T11:41:00.000Z

Reading in Time Out that the Government is attempting to pass a bill to prevent permanent daytime demonstrations and the use of megaphones for protesting in Parliament Square and in a 1km zone around the Square, including Downing Street and Trafalgar Square. Long story short: there's a guy there all the time protesting against the war in Iraq and the Government are so shit-scared of anyone

Things that make me go GAH (Part II)

2005-02-10T11:26:00.000Z

Valentine's Day. Not for all the normal "Blah blah, it's just a way for card companies to make money, blah blah, shouldn't need a mark on the calendar to tell someone you care, blah blah, nobody loves me" stuff, but because it's a fucking nuisance. Viz: 1. I cannot open a magazine without someone telling me what I should be buying, wearing, eating, or sucking in order to Make Someone's

Things that make me go GAH (part I)

2005-02-10T11:23:00.000Z

The "Misplaced etcetera announcer" at Bank station, who repeatedly asks us to "Ensure all your bags belongings are with you etc" for security's sake. Make sure our bags and belongings are with us "etc"? What is the etc our bags and belongings could possibly be doing as well as being with us? Dancing a fucking fandango? Bandhag: proudly promoting grammar fascism since 1970-something. No, wait,

Things that make me go hmm

2005-02-10T10:55:00.000Z

Leaving my house for work at about 11:30 at night and seeing a man, completely naked, walk round the corner of our block. I don't live near a bustling nightlife-type area, and he wasn't walking in a manner that suggested either embarrassment or extreme drunkenness, so what was going on there is anyone's guess. Nice arse, though.

scraps

2005-01-26T10:10:00.000Z

"You've lost so much weight!" she exclaims. It's been a while. I try to quickly calculate how long. Yes, maybe a little I concede. But only what I put on over Christmas, probably. "Is good, but no more - you lose enough now, you look good. Don't lose any more, would be too much, you would look too thin - you need to start eating properly again". This would be one of the nicest things anyone had

He

2005-01-10T04:34:00.000Z

has split up with his girlfriend. I decide it would be a very bad move to say anything to him about liking him. Unfair on him - he's bound to have enough on his mind, the last thing he needs is someone telling him they like him. I'm not very good at this 'not talking about the people I fancy' lark, am I?

The obligatory new year post

2005-01-05T11:07:00.000Z

In many ways, I think it's easier to enjoy New Year's Eve than it is to enjoy Christmas. You can go out with your mates and get pissed. You can stay in with your mates and get pissed. There aren't as many people who moan about hating new year as do about Christmas, though I do know some people who aren't that keen on it. Me, I love it. For several years now "the gang" have done our Christmas

So that was Christmas

2004-12-27T02:22:00.000Z

And what have I done? It's a bit sad when you don't have much family left but you don't want to spend Christmas with them. Well, actually, I would have liked to spend Christmas with them, but after last year's experience with the Hallowed Cunts, coupled with the fact I had to work a 12-hour shift that ended in the middle of Christmas Eve, I really wasn't up to schlepping over to Hometown for

And then I go and spoil it all, by doing something stupid like

2004-12-13T07:03:00.000Z

watch documentaries. I don't "do" politics on here much, on account of how there are others who are more knowledgeable and better at it than what I am, but by God I need a rant, so those who don't wish to read pinko commie diatribes, please look away now. First, the Dispatches programme "Living with the Refugees", about people fleeing Darfur. It was depressing and infuriating in equal measures

A tale of two mood swings

2004-12-13T06:01:00.000Z

A two-parter, because I can't really write the second bit of this in with the first bit, because the first bits all flimsy and nice. And the second bit...erm...aint. Ah, what a smashing weekend. After a bit of a false start, involving me sleeping through an extremely insistent alarm for over an hour (ah, my neighbours must heart me, big style), I rushed off to London's Posh Notting Hill(TM) for

Hugging - the new weapon of choice

2004-12-06T03:56:00.000Z

I have never seen a Woody Allen film. This is mostly because I've been put off by every clip I've ever seen of them in those "Greatest Films Ever" programmes and such, which mostly seem to feature Mr A bleating on and on interminably, worrying about just everything under the sun, doubting himself, working on a PhD in paranoia and self-doubt. I don't even hear what he's saying. In my head, the

And she said...so I said...and then HE said...

2004-12-06T03:02:00.000Z

Since so many of you have written more on this blog than I have during the past couple of weeks, I thought it was only right I answered you. So here goes, then: Happy Birthday, Banders. X Stuart Ta. And hello, stranger! Hurrah - she's back. With bf onionbagblogger "With bf"?! Grrrrr...I could break you y'know, boy. Break you like a fortune cookie. Hehehe Hey, girl. Happy birthday!

Things. Short things.

2004-12-01T09:09:00.000Z

Because I should be in bed. Because I'm going to a gig before work tonight. Shellac, thanks for asking. We saw them last night too. They. RULED. Electralane did not. (or is it Electrelane? I'd google but...meh.) We also saw Neil. He is lovely and was lucky to escape with what looked like a very comfy coat indeed. Last week R, A and I went to the Time Out-sponsored cheapy Paperchase night.

Roll call

2004-11-18T09:31:00.000Z

of things I've forgotten to blog about because... well, because I've been being useless and not blogging much, innit? Birthday - turned 30, world didn't end. Who'da thunk it? Birthday present from groovy friends - a stereo! All shiny, silver, 5-cd-changer-and-a-turntable-so-I-can-hear-vinyl-I've-bought-and-never-heard-cos-old-one-was-broken-and-super-spangly-timer-function goodness to replace

Only losers use melatonin

2004-11-18T09:13:00.000Z

Yes, kids, it's a hormone for weaklings. Just Say NO. Or to be less obtuse - my new job is a night job. Graveyard shift. 12:30 to 8 am, to be precise. I can't tell you how helpful it is that my body clock is naturally fucked anyway. Being up all night and sleeping during the day is a piece of piss. What I wasn't prepared for, though, was the stomach cramps. My sister (who's a nurse*) says that's

Oy vey

2004-11-05T11:20:00.000Z

What a week. Both at home and in "the field", as it were. John Peel dead, a guy kicked to death for being gay, America proving once and for all that it's both a) nuts and b) screwed. Depressing shit that has made me cry and made me wonder just What The Hell Is Wrong With People. Meanwhile, I managed to lose yet another job. To lose two freelance jobs may be considered a misfortune, but to lose

Black day

2004-10-26T15:14:00.000Z

John Peel's dead. Fucking unbelievable. I'm not going to get all mawkish and I hope this doesn't spark a rash of Death of Princess Di-style hair pulling and chest beating from people who actually don't give a fuck, but there's genuinely a bit of a lump in my throat about this one. This is a Very Bad Thing.

Slow clap for the spaz girl

2004-10-26T00:41:00.000Z

The way I remember last Saturday night: I went out for a birthday drink, got fairly merry, danced for a bit, waited for a bus and talked to my friends about how The Bloke I Know Fancies Me But Who I Don't Really Like In "That" Way (TBIKFMBWIDRLITW) was a good kisser (from memory of when he'd waylaid me on the way out of a club once), and then quietly thought to myself how cute some guy on the

Oh, and PS

2004-10-13T15:57:00.000Z

Galligan, get your fucking arse back here, you spaz. Grrr, arg! Hulk smash!

Emails you wish you'd sent, Part III

2004-10-13T15:30:00.000Z

I had a phonecall earlier that has displeased me. I am long overdue a rant, so if nobody minds, I think I'll dive straight on in to one without form, structure, logic, fairness or reason. And if anyone does mind, they can kiss my natural born brown ass. 'k? Alrighty then. The names have been changed to protect those too fucking stupid to bother naming. And me. As background, I used to work for

Brain on leave

2004-10-06T21:58:00.000Z

I appear to be taking a bit of a break from blogging. Mostly through choice, partly through inability. There are few times I feel like writing here at the moment and the times that I do all that comes into my head is dreary boring shit and stuff that I don't want to write about - stuff that some weird self-imposed editorial style I came up with when I started this blog still prevents me from

On towels, and the stinking thereof

2004-09-28T17:18:00.000Z

I should very much like to know what it is that men do to towels. I'm sorry to break it to you, boys, but Man Towels SMELL. They smell damp and musty, but not just damp and musty. They stink, but not of any ordinary or recognisable kind of body odour or bathroom smell. The smell can not be likened to anything else. It is a cocktail of ming, that can only be described as "man-towel smell". And

The washing machine came

2004-09-28T15:50:00.000Z

Even though they said this morning that it would not be coming. Because they are shit. They did not install it, even though they charged me for this. Because they are shit. They knocked a lump off the control dial while it was in transit. Because they are shit. I had to do my washing at R&A's house. I hate Currys.

Go straight to the top of the class. And throw yourself off.

2004-09-28T15:46:00.000Z

Yes, of course I meant "eking" out my wardrobe, as in making it last for a long time. As opposed to "eeking" out my wardrobe, as in shrieking at the top of my voice until all the clothes inside ran away in fear. Cram it, you odious pedant. Who am I talking to? Myself. This is what it sounds like When multiple personalities fight. As Prince would no doubt have sung, had he been mentally ill

Public notice

2004-09-28T01:49:00.000Z

I am ill and I am tired and I suspect I may be just a tad hormonal (evidence - I nearly burst into tears because M was chewing his dinner so loudly this evening). And I have run out of clean clothes. And, if tomorrow I do not take delivery of the washing machine that I paid for almost four weeks ago and have been being fucked around over ever since, there is going to be a row the heat of which

AHA!

2004-09-27T11:37:00.000Z

I was just thinking about the dream with the "I must blog that" and then the forgetting what it was that I must blog and I remembered something that in real (non-dream) life I said "I must blog that" about so am writing it down before I forget so I can write it later: WLTM

Ill

2004-09-27T10:56:00.000Z

Full of cough and ache and a head that feels like it's been injected with that expanding foam stuff. Comfort can only be achieved through spending the entire day in pyjamas. Am investigating the possibilities of selling any superfluous major organs to fund hire of escort for various and sundry services including, but not limited to: food preparation (esp. chicken soup), hair stroking, blanket

I had a dream

2004-09-24T13:00:00.000Z

which ended with me thinking "I'm going to have to write a blog about this!" Or possibly I said "I'm so todalleeee gonna hafta write a blog about this?", because in my dreams I, like, sometimes totally talk like a teenager? Like, for no reason? And I'm like "Oh my God", and it's like "Whatever" and like, maybe I'm trying to totally drive myself nuts? Talking of which, we went out to a freshers

I have Internet access.

2004-09-22T23:56:00.000Z

I also have what your grandma would call a Dicky Tummy, thanks to the "One Last Takeaway" I let M persuade me into having (or was it the other way round...?) before I start the next push in my healthy eatin' regime. Stupid poetic justice...

Jeebers

2004-09-15T15:20:00.000Z

No, R and A, I'm not using precious Internet time at your house to update my blog. Good gracious me, no. Ahem. So. Since I wrote here last, I have: - met the lovely Neil Oeillade again. - fallen off a chair while fixing some lights at the club. The chair ripped a gash about 2-3 inches long into my left buttock. It hurt like a motherfucker. It bled like a thing that doesn't bleed terribly

Damn

2004-09-03T08:42:00.000Z

I have to back-up my computer. I've never backed up my computer when I've moved house before. I've only ever backed the fucking thing up twice in two years - once when it was about to expire and once when I was formatting the hard disk. But a few days ago, I thought "Perhaps I should back up my computer, just in case". Error. Because even though I've never backed it up any of the other times

Feeling pensive

2004-09-03T01:24:00.000Z

So, the 50 Cent thing has got me thinking a lot. Thinking about stuff that shouldn't be in my head while I'm trying to juggle the complexities of removal vans, getting the electricity supply switched on at my new house and which box to pack my bubble-blowing Hello Kitty in. Mostly I've been thinking about music, and about why I'm not making any. What seems like centuries ago now, I was a singer

I had an incident

2004-09-02T10:58:00.000Z

in my new flat the other night. I went round to measure up my new quarters (yes, yes, I know - I'm a dreadful geek. But planning is the doodah of wotsit. And so on) and pushed my bedroom door shut behind me. When I went to leave, I noticed a curious thing. My bedroom door has no handle on the inside. None. Just smooth, flat door-ness. "That's ok," I thought "It's still open a bit, I can just kind

Oh my god, I almost forgot...

2004-09-01T21:15:00.000Z

...one of my other best bits: I insisted on spending a couple of minutes at the main stage drooling over Brody Dalle before we went off to see...er... some better band somewhere else. During the exact three minutes I happened to pick, the cameraman was choosing to focus on her mouth, a close-up of which was being shown huge style on the stage-side screen for me to gaze at in wonder. Cameraman, I

So, the good stuff

2004-09-01T20:14:00.000Z

I'm guessing you don't particularly want to hear about how I worked my A-rab mojo at Currys getting M and I a cracking deal on white goods, or the details of the ridiculous set-up for gas and electric at my new place, and how we're going to be without hot water or heating for the first four days in there, so I shall forge straight on with a very quick round-up of the best bits of Reading. 1.

So much to say

2004-08-30T00:59:00.000Z

So little time to say it in. It's sod's law that this is the first time in ages I've got stuff to talk about and it isn't just a discussion on hairstyles or other mindless day-to-day pap. And why no time? Because, of course, this is the week of The Move. Everyone else involved seems to be stressing at me about various things, without actually saying what the problem is or suggesting any

gabble-abble-abble-abble aaaaaaarrrghhh!

2004-08-24T16:08:00.000Z

I'm off to Reading festival on Thursday, and have gigs to go to tonight and tomorrow, shitloads of work to do, clothes to wash and pack, an estate agent's valuation to deal with in the morning (so have to have the flat spick and span before then - as opposed to its current bombsite/crack den appearance), gym appointment, and going to the next town to ours as I need to do bank things. Plus I have

Ok, pics then

2004-08-21T10:57:00.000Z

These will be disappearing on Monday night: