He's been seeing someone else, and went on a couple of dates with them while he was 'having the time to think'. Gee, I'm so glad I'm one of his favourite people, one of the most important people in his life and someone he could never hurt and always wants around. I just can't imagine how he'd have treated me if that wasn't the case!
I can't remember what my last blog post said because, frankly, I'm a bit drunk but I do know this: the next person to tell me how great I am, how funny and smart and kind and how good in bed, BUT.... is going to lose their teeth. Seriously, are all single men over a certain age complete liars/emotional cowards, or is it just some kind of pheromone I give off that attracts them?
Tuesday, February 08, 2011
Thursday, February 03, 2011
Been a while
Today, I found out that I may lose my job soon.
I also found out that the person I'm in love with, who I'd been giving some time and space to figure out his conflict between the fact that he's made a conscious decision not to be in a relationship at the moment and the fact that he has started to feel something more for me than just a companion and sexual partner, has decided we are, after all, 'just friends'.
About a year ago, my sister punched me in the face when I tried to explain to her that her insistence that I find ten grand to refund her what she stood to lose if she insisted on us selling our jointly-owned house at the peak of the recession was unreasonable and not something I was going to be able to do even if I wanted to. I'm now renting a studio flat alone and paying into the mortgage while she lives rent-free with her boyfriend and mostly refuses to speak to me.
I know that at some point soon, life will take a positive turn and that things will, one way or the other, turn out alright. But right now, that's a reach too far. I know it, somewhere, but I don't feel it yet. I *feel* that I have nothing and nobody and I can't really see the point in anything or a future where I don't feel alone and empty.
I also found out that the person I'm in love with, who I'd been giving some time and space to figure out his conflict between the fact that he's made a conscious decision not to be in a relationship at the moment and the fact that he has started to feel something more for me than just a companion and sexual partner, has decided we are, after all, 'just friends'.
About a year ago, my sister punched me in the face when I tried to explain to her that her insistence that I find ten grand to refund her what she stood to lose if she insisted on us selling our jointly-owned house at the peak of the recession was unreasonable and not something I was going to be able to do even if I wanted to. I'm now renting a studio flat alone and paying into the mortgage while she lives rent-free with her boyfriend and mostly refuses to speak to me.
I know that at some point soon, life will take a positive turn and that things will, one way or the other, turn out alright. But right now, that's a reach too far. I know it, somewhere, but I don't feel it yet. I *feel* that I have nothing and nobody and I can't really see the point in anything or a future where I don't feel alone and empty.